let’s get something clear, first of all – if you want excitement, you get dragons.

if you’re watching a movie or simply visiting a mythical land, any time a dragon shows up, the excitement level amps up considerably. for example, in this blog post, you might be thinking, “boy, this seems very internet two years ago, professing love for a mythical creature”. but what if i hit you with one of these?

see? getting excited? dragons don’t get no respect.

now, the only problem with dragons is that they really remind you of dirty kids in middle school who were learning how to draw pictures in between matches of magic: the gathering. dragons, of course, are associated with nerd creatures such as goblins or hobbits, but that’s not really fair. if one takes dragons seriously, they will realize that they are soulless, violent, pissed off killing machines. they don’t do anything besides fly, breathe fire, and sometimes guard treasure for some reason. they don’t really have any use for treasure but they sure love to protect it.

i bring up dragons because of a movie i watched a few days ago (not that you need a REASON to bring up dragons). it was called eragon, and it was pure garbage. the big surprise is that they had a ton of big name actors in the movie – jeremy irons, rachel weisz, john malkovich – and they all acted alongside a terrible looking, terribly animated dragon. except for rachel weisz, who was the voice of the dragon. the horrible, horrible voice.

that dragon looks straight out of the never-ending story, light. basically, the story is about that kid on the dragon’s back. he is a “dragon rider”. why dragons need riders is never explained. this dragon in the story is ultra intelligent and british. it doesn’t need any help. but for some reason this nancy boy tells it what to do – “shoot fire there” “claw those people” “continue flying”. and the dragon listens. and everyone is bored!

the movie was apparently based on a book written by a 15 year old, and it shows. i hated this movie. boring. dragons should never be boring. if i made a movie about dragons, it would be two hours of dragons devouring lesser creatures. roll credits. laugh all the way to the bank.

here is a picture of a dragon

good week wishes!